I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
