I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
