she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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