Having a random hookup so left but love u
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
