So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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