using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
