I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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