Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize