i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
