today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
