But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
