Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
