Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
