yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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