I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
