We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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