there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
