okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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