can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
