just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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