genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
