ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
