So drunk its hurt
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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