Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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