Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
