No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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