Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
