i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Quick, to the slutcave!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
