wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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