It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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