You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
