i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
