Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
COCAINE IS GR8
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
