I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
