Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
