what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
