We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
