i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
