Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im part way to drunk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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