you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
