the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
