Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
