she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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