Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
