What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I supernannyed him into submission
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
