Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
