sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
