I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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