My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
