I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
