she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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