dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
