Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
