i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
