not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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