i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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