If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
