Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
