I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no you cant smoke seaweed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
