Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
