How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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