I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What a dumb baby whore.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
