So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
