i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
