All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize