you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize