it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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